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The Righteous Gemstones Season 3 Episode 7: Kidnapping is for Kids

In all fairness, it's about time we acknowledged and gave credit where credit is due: Gideon has been the undeniable MVP of this season.

"Attention pharmacy! I need some salves and sh*t for intense body beatings!" I've been giving Judy a hard time this season, but I've got to admit, she's hands down the funniest character on The Righteous Gemstones, shining even more in the latest episode.

Episode 7: "Burn for Burn, Wound for Wound, Stripe for Stripe," is undoubtedly the best episode of this season yet, and I'm going to break down everything that went down in what is currently the best show on HBO right now.

As soon as the cousin's betrayal came to light, it was clear trouble was coming for the Gemstones. The latest episode kicks off with the Gemstones getting kidnapped (or rather, abducted) and held hostage by Peter and his cultists at the new Waco compound.

Amber, BJ, and Keefe (Chief? Quiche? Heath?) discover Jesse, Judy, and Kelvin are missing. Shortly after, Eli receives a disc (seriously, huge props to whoever edited that video), learning that Peter has taken his children captive.

In Episode 5, we saw Peter's story unfold, and now he blames Eli for his woes. Seeking revenge, he demands five million dollars for each of his children, as a way to make Eli pay both figuratively and literally.

Eli and May-May's relationship has grown stronger over this season, but this sudden hiccup shatters all their progress. Eli becomes suspicious of her sister's involvement in the abduction, and after bringing in the police, May-May is confined to the Gemstone compound.

Eli and May-May's relationship has been one step forward, two steps back.

As for the Gemstone siblings, life during abduction exposes harsh truths about their upbringing. When Peter has them lead the Sunday service for the Brothers of Tomorrow's Fires without the fancy megachurch equipment and backup singers, it dawns on them that they don't have what it takes to lead a church, much less inspire a congregation.

Once Eli makes the tough call not to pay the ransom, Peter starts to visibly lose his cool. His followers, who have no ties to the Gemstones, waste no time in pushing him to take drastic measures to show Eli he's serious.

To prove his worth as a leader, Peter decides to kill one of the Gemstone children, which results in an oddly amusing heart-to-heart moment among the siblings, despite their inherently self-centered personalities.

Karl was always the weak link in Peter's militia outfit, but this turns out to be the Gemstones' saving grace. Gideon notices May-May acting strangely as she sneaks away from the Gemstones' compound and decides to tail her discreetly.

May-May, having been called by Karl, arrives at the militia compound and rescues the Gemstone siblings. But just when they think they're in the clear, Chuck and his father show up, guns in hand, ready to put a stop to their escape plan.

From the moment Gideon wowed us with his insane driving skills during that intense car chase in Episode 2, I had a hunch that we'd be in for another adrenaline-pumping car chase later this season. But little did I know that he'd take it to a whole new level and unleash chaos with the Redeemer like he does in this episode.

Once he starts tearing through the militia camp with his father's monster truck, all bets are off (Jesse has never been more proud of his son.) Nothing and no one is safe from Gideon's rampaging spree. With the daring rescue attempt behind them, the Gemstones (and Karl) surprisingly manage to escape unscathed. 

The Gemstones better "put some respeck" on Gideon's name.

The episode subsequently ends, leaving us with sky-high expectations about Peter's next move, especially now that his ransom plan has been thwarted. Let's face it, Peter hasn't exactly been the picture of composure under pressure, and there's a good chance he'll make some reckless decisions to overcompensate for his failed plan.

The fact that he now has a massive stash of highly explosive ammonium nitrate in his possession should make the Gemstones and the police extremely frightened. Chuck may believe he's standing on the right side of the family feud, but unless he comes to his senses soon, he might find himself on the wrong side of the law, or even worse, in a grave next to his father.

Throughout this entire season, there's been one plotline that's taken a backseat due to the Gemstones drama, and that's Dusty Daniels. Remember that former race car driver who made his debut in the first episode of this season?

Well, after Eli's retirement, Dusty decided to leave the Gemstone congregation, and boy, did that hit the megachurch hard. Losing him meant losing a crucial benefactor with plans to leave his immense wealth and assets, valued at over $200 million, to the church.

Now, things got pretty interesting when the Simkins siblings got involved. The previously unknown family came in between the Gemstone siblings' attempts to bring Dusty back into the fold and managed to win him over to their own congregation. All it took was a rather embarrassing car race between Jesse and the oldest Simkin sibling, and Dusty was swayed.

Chuck will likely not have a happy ending.

The next two episodes, which will constitute this season's finale, have been scheduled to release on the same day, which means we can expect to see some major unexpected twists. Will Uncle Baby Billy finally get the green light for his Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers show? How will the Gemstone siblings handle Peter's next attack while trying to bring Dusty Daniels back to their church? And let's not forget about BJ and Judy's complicated marriage: has forgiveness found its way into BJ's heart?

Stay tuned for our next review to uncover all the answers to these burning questions!

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Caleb Sama

Caleb Sama // Articles: 491

Caleb is just your average Joe Schmo with a love for games and films and a knack for writing. He can tell you all about the latest blockbusters and indie flicks, but he'll also sneak in some obscure references and dad jokes that will make you groan and roll your eyes. His reviews are like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get, but you'll probably want more.
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