How to Get Home in Graveyard Keeper: The Complete Guide


If you’re new to Graveyard Keeper, then the whole game might seem a bit overwhelming. You’ve been transported away from your home and your love in the 21st century and dumped in a medieval graveyard; everyone tells you that you’re the new Graveyard Keeper. If you play the game organically, then it can take you in a whole host of directions – hanging out with an Inquisitor, becoming the village’s spiritual leader, experimenting with the dark art of alchemy, and raising the dead to help you in your garden. Along the way, you’re constantly running around to complete tasks for a host of wacky, mysterious characters to further your own goal: get home to your love.

This guide is meant to be a sort of road map to that goal; the barest bones of completing the game. Thus, some of the methods described won’t necessarily be the most efficient or even the most fun, but they’ll get you back to your own time in the end. BEWARE: there are major spoilers for the game ahead.

What’s the End Goal?

In the beginning, the end goal is two simple words: get home. But, after interrogating Gerry the skull and bribing him with various alcoholic beverages, you will discover that your ticket home is an ancient portal located on Witch Hill, the area just to the east of your home. Opening the portal won’t be easy, though; you need six unique items from six different NPCs to open it.

The End Goal of Graveyard Keep is to open the portal and go home
The End Goal of Graveyard Keep is to open the portal and get home

General Tips

The thing about this undertaking is that it essentially encompasses the entire game. There isn’t really a way to cheese your way through this; it’s pure grinding and hard work. So, we can’t stress enough the importance of making sure that you’re unlocking your skill trees and completing the game’s most mundane tasks, such as processing bodies, tending the graveyard, and preaching at the church. Ignore these at your peril.

Additionally, all of the quest lines aren’t mutually exclusive between one another; they’re meant to be completed in tandem. Don’t worry about focusing on one character at a time; it’s more efficient to try to complete them all at once.

We will be mentioning which day of the week that each NPC can be contacted on; for easy reference, please refer to this chart.

NPC Chart
NPC Chart

Character Questlines

The Episcop (Bishop)

The Episcop is the first NPC and Quest Line that you encounter in the game
The Episcop is the first NPC and Quest Line that you encounter in the game

The Episcop is, aside from Gerry, the first NPC that you encounter in the game. He runs the church that your graveyard surrounds and is responsible for guiding you into being a member of the clergy. He has a schedule – he only visits on Pride, the day that you’re meant to preach in the church. He’ll stand outside, staring at himself in a hand mirror and making himself available for trading religious items from sunrise until sunset, when he’ll leave until the next Pride.

The Episcop is mostly concerned with status and fame, and his quests reflect this. Interestingly, most of his quests can be completed parallel with the others’ quests, so we wouldn’t be too worried about rushing through all of these right away.

Quest 1: Fix the Graveyard

The moment you arrive, the Episcop will ask you to repair the decrepit graveyard, bringing its rating up to 5. He’ll give you a few Repair Kits to start you off, but those won’t get you as far as you need to go. You’ll have to start investing points in your skill tree to unlock the Woodworking technology; this will give you the ability to craft wooden planks and wood repair kits that are necessary to repair your graveyard.

Wooden planks are relatively simple; you can make them by processing Flitches at your Carpenter’s Workbench or, later on in the game, using a Circular Saw. You need them to create Wood Repair Kits, which consist of 4 Flitch, 1 Wooden Plank, and 4 Nails each. You can then use them to repair the damaged grave markers and grave fences in the graveyard to improve its rating. Once you’ve hit at least 5, talk to the Episcop when he visits to get your rewards.

The rewards from this quest are 10 Happiness with the Episcop and the Preacher Perk, which gives you access to the church as well as the alchemy lab underneath it. You’re going to need this room a lot for quests to come, so don’t be afraid to put effort and resources into it.

Quest 2: Bowls for the Soup Kitchen

Now that you’re the village’s new preacher, the Episcop asks you to perform an act of charity. He needs 20 Ceramic Bowls to serve soup at his Soup Kitchen. To fulfil this quest, he gives you the “The Concept of Dirt” technology that lets you gather sand and clay.

Clay Pit
Dig at the pit across the church to gather clay

To get the clay you’ll need to dig; the closest hole is directly across the road from the church. You’ll also need to build a Potter’s Wheel in your work yard; you need 2 pieces of stone, 6 nails, and 4 flitches to do so. After you’ve built your wheel and gathered your clay (you’ll need about 7 clay for this quest) then all you have to do is mix the clay with water at the wheel. Bring the bowls to the Episcop to receive 10 Happiness and the “Cleric’s Beginner’s Guide”, which you can use to gain 5 Blue Tech Points.

Quest 3: Improve the Graveyard

This is basically an extension of your first quest; this time around, you need to get the graveyard’s rating to 30. There are a few ways that you can do this, using a variety of technologies. You can remove all of the bushes from the graveyard and make sure that all of the graves have been repaired.

You can also add new graves or better markers to them - unlocking technologies that allow you to create stone markers and grave fences is a good place to start.

When you’ve achieved the appropriate graveyard rating, you’ll be rewarded with 5 Happiness.

Quest 4: Improve the Church

While you’re improving the graveyard, the Episcop also asks you to improve the Church, getting it up to a rating of 20. You can build pews and candelabras, and putting candles into the candelabras can temporarily increase the score if you’re in a hurry to finish this quest.

Completing this quest provides you with 5 Happiness with the Episcop.

Quest 5: Bring Quality Fish Fillets

The Episcop approaches you and asks you to catch him 4 Quality fish fillets because, for some reason, he can’t eat meat. This isn’t as difficult as it sounds - you can catch Bream without bait north of the church after unblocking the path, or at the waterfall fishing spot near the rock quarry with maggots as bait. Bring the fish back to your kitchen bench to prepare it.

Bring Quality Fish Fillets to The Episcop
You can catch fish without bait north of the church after unblocking the path, or at the waterfall fishing spot near the rock quarry with Maggots as bait.

After bringing him the fillets, you’ll receive 10 Happiness from the Episcop.

Quest 6: Bring a Building Permission

Shortly after you bring him the fish, the Episcop will start complaining about the bureaucratic difficulties of managing the church. He asks you to bring him a Building permission that he can use to transform the church into a big church. You get the Building permission from the Royal Services box for 20 silver.

Keep in mind that you won’t be able to preach in the new church until you’re a Rightful Citizen - you purchase this status for 3 silver at the Royal Services box.

Quest 7: Improve the Church Further

This quest is the same as Quest 4, except the goal is now a rating of 50. Continue building furniture and using candles to make this happen.

Quest 8: Improve the Graveyard Further

Yet another repeat quest - this time, he wants you to get the graveyard’s rating to 200. We would highly recommend using decorations such as flowers and building items such as columbariums. Keep in mind that the quality of the bodies you bury also has bearing on the graveyard’s rating.

Improve the Graveyard
Use columbariums to bring up the Graveyard's rating

Quest 9: Gold Quality Marble Statues

After the graveyard’s rating reaches 100, the Episcop admires the work you have done and suggests some interesting decor - three gold star marble statues of himself! This is a difficult technology to get, and it will probably take you a while to complete. We recommend building your marble quarry and using zombies to get the amount you need.

After you give him the statues, you’ll get 10 Happiness. You should now have at least 70 Happiness with the Episcop, and you can ask to upgrade the church into a full-blown cathedral.

Quest 10: Bring Aristocrat Papers

Once you upgrade the church into a cathedral, the Episcop will tell you that he needs Aristocrat papers. Like every other document in the game, you can buy these at the Royal Services box for 12 gold. Show them to the Episcop for another 10 Happiness.

Quest 11: Bring an Accepted Invitation

The Bishop wants to hold a grand feast in the cathedral and for you to bring him an Accepted Invitation for it. You can ask the Inquisitor about this, but he will decline. You get the invitation from the Merchant instead (see his questline below for how to obtain it).

Give the Episcop the Accepted Invitation for another 10 Happiness.

Quest 12: Hold the Ceremony

By this point, you should have 90 Happiness with the Episcop and you can hold the Ceremony in your new cathedral. Speak with the Bishop afterwards to unlock the cutscene where he reunites with his brother, the Merchant (unlocking the “Two Brothers” Steam achievement). You will receive the Mirror of Pride from the Episcop and the Salty Fork from the Merchant.

The Merchant

The Merchant
The Merchant

The Merchant is an NPC that you can meet in the village on Gluttony; he stands outside the barn across the road from the tavern. He’s only concerned with two things: good food and making money. He buys various cooking items from you, and you can buy valuable items from him in return, such as grapeseed.

Quest 1: Buy or Farm

You receive this quest by speaking to Horadric - he’ll tell you that the garden plot south of your house was abandoned by the last keeper and that he sold it to the Merchant. He gives you the Garden certificate, which allows you to unlock using the garden. However, you still need to speak to the merchant and ask his permission before the quest can be advanced.

After you meet him, he tells you that you can use the land once you prove that you can grow vegetables on it. He’ll demand 10 gold, then lower it to 5 gold if you refuse once. If you refuse again, he’ll increase it back to 10 gold. After you apologize, he’ll trade with you again and lower the price to 1 gold. Note that you can still use the garden before you pay him, but you need to pay before you can continue the questline.

Once you accept the barter, he’ll give you a quest to bring him your first harvest - 12 carrots, 12 cabbages, and 12 beets. He’ll reward you with a Story when you complete this.

Quest 2: Repay Loan

This is a pretty simple one - pay back your loan of 1 silver to be rewarded with 10 Happiness and a Story.

Quest 3: Hiccup Cure

Shortly after you repay your loan, the merchant will tell you that he’s been suffering from incessant hiccups. After you try to scare him to cure them (with no success), he asks you to go to the swamp to get him some Hiccup grass.

The swamp is located west of the church, across the stone bridge. You have to repair this bridge before you can use it, and you need 1 Wooden plank, 4 Flitches, and 8 Nails to do so. The swamp beyond the river is a maze of puddles and thin strips of land - it’ll take some trial and error to get through it. Don’t attempt to walk directly towards the witch’s cottage in the centre - instead, make your way through the swamp in a spiral pattern, walking along with the land where it’s safe until you reach the cottage.

Bring the Hiccup grass back to the Merchant for 10 Happiness and a Story.

Quest 4: No Taste

Clotho's Hut
Find a cure for Clotho's curse on the merchant

The next time you meet the Merchant, his hiccups are gone. However, he’s been cursed by a witch and can’t taste anything - a condition that leaves him greatly distressed. He asks that you go back into the swamp and speak to Clotho, the witch who lives there, for a cure.

You’ll have to go through a bit of dialogue with Clotho before she’ll give you the cure - a mixture of salt and health solution. You can get salt from cremated bodies and you make a health solution by processing carrots, hiccup grass, or cabbage at the hand mixer in your alchemy lab. When you mix these ingredients, you’ll get spices.

Bring these spices back to the Merchant for a reward of 10 Happiness. Note that you MUST speak to Clotho for this quest - you can’t give him spices that you’ve made before talking to her.

Quest 5: Trade License

The Merchant has a business proposal for you - he can sell goods that you produce if you obtain a Trade license. This is a pretty simple thing to procure. After you’ve bought your “Rightful Citizen” status from the royal services box at the church for 3 silver, you can order one for 50 silver.

After you’ve brought the license back to the merchant, he opens up the trade office in the barn that he stands in front of. He asks you to produce crates of goods for him to sell, which he will collect each Gluttony. You will need to build the Crate Factory station in your work yard to produce crates.

Crate Factory of the Merchant
Get a trade license from the church to trade with the merchant

Quest 6: Royal Dinner

The Merchant asks you to cook 5 gold-star dinners for him to bring to the king. To craft a dinner, you need to combine one Snack recipe, one Meal recipe, and one Dessert recipe. This is kind of a complicated process, but you can find a more detailed guide here.

Quest 7: After 60

Before you can unlock this step, you need to complete tasks related to the trade office - you need to get enough fame for the office, which you do by creating flyers at the table inside, and you need to sell 7 crates. After these are completed, you should have at least 70 Happiness and can unlock the next quests.

Quest 8: Promoting Your Business

The Merchant wants your business to grow even bigger, and he suggests asking Ms Charm to help. You need at least 40 Happiness with her for this to work (see her quest line later in this article) and you need to make her a piece of jewellery. You need 1 Gold jewellery details, 1 Faceted diamond, and 2 Faith for that.

After you’ve completed your tasks with Ms Charm, you will be rewarded with 1 Fame for the trade office, and you’ll unlock trading with her; she sells jewellery and perfume.

Quest 9: Big Ceremony

The Merchant tells you that everything is going smoothly with your business! After the Inquisitor turns down your offer of attending a feast at the cathedral, you can ask the Merchant to join you instead. He will agree, and give you an Accepted Invitation, which you need for one of the Bishop’s quests.

Quest 10: Salty Fork

If you’ve achieved at least 100 Happiness with the Merchant, you can ask him for the Salty Fork. This is the item that you need for the final ritual on Witch Hill.

Snake

Snake
Snake

By far the most unique character you meet on your journey is Snake, a disfigured cultist who hangs out in the cellar underneath your house. At first, he’ll be down there every night, attempting to get into the abandoned dungeon. He’s abrasive and a bit violent, but he’ll be very useful in your quests with Ms Charm. He has fewer quests than some of the other NPCs, but his tasks are more involved and require more materials.

Quest 1: Prove You Are the Graveyard Keeper

The first hurdle that you have to jump is proving that you really are the Graveyard Keeper. When you meet Snake for the first time, he doesn’t believe you, and you have to return to him with 5 Faith to make him believe that you are who you say you are.

Quest 2: Unlocking the Sacrifice Zone and Dungeon

After you’ve proven that you are the Graveyard Keeper, Snake asks you to unlock the Dungeon underneath your house. The old Keeper was in possession of the key, but you’ll have to go through a few steps before you get it. Go and talk to the Astrologer (he’s at the lighthouse on Sloth) to get the quest to find the Keeper’s Journal. When you get this quest, he’ll also give you the Keeper’s Key.

When you give this key to Snake, he’ll discover that it’s unusable in its current state and give you instructions on how to activate it. Keep the instructions in your inventory and study the key at the Study Table in the Church cellar to get an Active Key.

You get quite a few rewards from this quest; firstly, you get access to the Dungeon and Sacrifice Zone underneath your house, which also gives you access to Gunter. Gunter is the zombie NPC that will set you on the path to making your own zombie helpers. Additionally, you get 10 Happiness with Snake and his schedule will change so he only shows up on Envy.

Quest 3: Help Snake with the Ritual

Right after you unlock the dungeon, a cutscene will play that reveals that you’re essentially immortal, waking up in your bed after you die trying to get the Keeper’s Journal. Snake apparently wants to use this boon to his advantage; he asks you to go down into the monster-infested dungeon to bring him 5 Bloody Nails and a Bucket of Blood.

The Bucket of Blood can be obtained in 2 ways – you can get it from a chest on Level 5 of the Dungeon, or you can craft one at the Church Workbench in the Church cellar with 10 blood. The Bloody Nails are really the hard part; the only way you can get these is by defeating enemies called Iron Maidens on Dungeon levels 4 and up. Giving these items to Snake will result in 10 Happiness for each component.

After you’ve given him the items, Snake will attempt his dark ritual and fail. After this failure, he’ll ask you to find him a Necronomicon. Of course, there’s only one other NPC that could possibly give you access to such an item; the Astrologer. You need Restoration Tools from Snake to advance the Astrologer’s questline far enough to ask him about the Necronomicon. The Astrologer will tell you that, for an unknowable reason, he gave the Necronomicon to the Lighthouse Keeper, who will trade it to you for the incredibly low price of 5 Maggots, which you can get from the compost pile in your garden. Bring the book back to Snake to gain 10 Happiness.

Now that he has the Necronomicon, Snake will ask you to do some interior decorating in the Sacrifice Zone for his ritual. Much like the Church and Graveyard, the Sacrifice Zone also has a rating, which you need to increase to 20 before you can complete this part of the quest. This can be achieved by building nefarious decorative items like crucified skeletons, blood fountains, and columns decorated with skulls. Fortunately, most of these decorations, save for the blood fountains, require very common materials such as skulls, wooden planks, and pumpkins. You can also fill the blood fountains with 10 blood each once you’ve built them to add +3 to your rating. You’ll get 10 Happiness from Snake once you finish.

After your dastardly decorating project, Snake will ask you for a Damask Sword with Gem. You could craft this yourself, but it requires quite a few unlocked technologies at the end of your skill trees. The faster method is to buy it from Koukol – he hangs around at the Mountain Fort at night. The sword costs 1 gold piece and 50 silver pieces.

After you bring the sword to Snake, your quest is FINALLY finished. You get 10 Happiness with Snake. To complete the quest officially, watch the cutscene, and return to speak with Snake in the Sacrifice Zone after respawning.

Quest 4: Ambush the Vampire Hunter

After you complete the ritual with Snake, he’ll appear at your bedside after you go to sleep for the first time. He asks you to set a trap for a vampire hunter. Oddly, this trap is pretty low-tech, requiring nothing but a single Wooden Plank. Bring the plank to Snake, who is standing just a bit south of your vineyard. You’ll get another 10 Happiness after completing this task and watch a pretty long cutscene that culminates in springing the trap and crushing the Vampire Hunter with a boulder. Mine this boulder to get the medallion that will unlock levels 11-20 of the Dungeon, as well as a corpse. It’s not a great corpse; it has 7 red skulls and 3 white skulls. However, you could harvest its Dark organs from it if you want.

Ambush the Vampire Hunter for Snake
Ambush the Vampire Hunter for Snake

Quest 5: The Golden Apple

When you ask Snake if he has any more tasks for you, he tells you that he wants you to get him a Golden Apple. This artefact can be obtained in a number of ways; you can find it on the last floor of the Dungeon, buy it from Clotho the witch for 10 gold, or get it from the Woodcutter.

To get the apple from the Woodcutter, you must have completed the “Hold the Ceremony” quest from the Episcop. After wrapping the quest up, go to the Dead Horse tavern to trigger the quest from the Woodcutter. He tells you that he’s willing to trade a Golden Apple for 24 Roof Tiles and 4 Curtains. The recipes to make these items are unlocked upon receiving the quest. Roof tiles are made at the Furnace with 12 Ceramic Bowls, yielding 12 Roof Tiles. Curtains are a bit trickier; you make them with 1 silk, 1 white paint, and 2 acceleration powder (made by processing hemp or honey in your Alchemy Mill) each at the Church Workbench. Bring these items back to the Woodcutter to receive to Golden Apple. Giving it to Snake gives you 10 Happiness.

Quest 6: The Dark Heart

After you bring him the Golden Apple, Snake tells you that he needs one more ingredient to complete his final dark ritual; a Dark Heart. This is an object that you obtain randomly from corpses delivered to the Morgue after you’ve progressed far enough in the Inquisitor’s questline. Once you bring it to Snake, he’ll leave to summon followers for the final ritual. Once he returns, he reveals that the ritual is meant to summon his father. It succeeds, revealing that his father is one other than the Inquisitor.

After finishing this quest, you receive both Snake and the Inquisitor’s items – the Endless Notebook from Snake, and the Eternal Burning Coal from the Inquisitor. You also unlock the Steam achievement “A Father and Son.”

The Inquisitor

The Inquisitor
The Inquisitor

The abrasive, self-righteous Inquisitor is responsible for keeping holy order in the Village; lately, he’s turned his attention towards burning witches up on Witch Hill. He’s suspicious of you at first but will warm up as you complete tasks for him. You can find him on Witch Hill every Wrath. He has fewer quests than other NPCs, making his the simplest questline to complete. However, you won’t get his artefact until you complete Snake’s questline as well.

Quest 1: Come Back in a Week

The first quest is pretty simple; he asks you to be his friend and report back to him on the sins of the villagers. If you agree, he’ll ask you to meet him on the next Wrath and reward you with 10 Happiness. If you don’t agree, he’ll pay you for the services in the next quest.

Quest 2: Burn the Witch

After that, he’ll ask you to bring him 20 Firewood and 10 Flyers for his next witch trial. Bringing him each component will earn you 10 Happiness. After you bring them, you have to watch yet another burning cutscene before receiving another 10 Happiness and access to the Vineyard up on Witch Hill.

Quest 3: Raising Morale

The Inquisitor tells you that he used to live near the vineyard, and he’ll let you use it on the condition that you bring 10 Red Wine (silver star rating) to give to the soldiers to raise morale for the witch hunt. Bringing it to the Inquisitor rewards you with 10 Happiness.

Quest 4: Snack Time

Apparently, the Inquisitor wants his witch-burnings to become big public affairs because he asks you to build a buffet tent to sell snacks at the events. Building the tent requires 5 Hemp Rope, 15 Wooden Planks, and 20 Nails. After you’ve built it, you need to stock it with food: 5 Burger (gold star) and 10 mugs of beer (gold star).

On the first Wrath after you build it, visit the Inquisitor to operate it. You’ll earn 33 Silver, 4 Faith, and the Steam achievement “Not a hot dog.” You can continue to stock the tent once a week for three weeks to earn extra money, faith, and Happiness with the Inquisitor. Eventually, the king will forbid any more witch burnings and you’ll have to stop.

Quest 5: Convincing the Crown

After three witch burnings, the king begins stating that burning people without putting them on trial is a human rights issue. The Inquisitor thinks that this is nonsense and that the King might be possessed, so he asks you to gather evidence of evil existing in the world. He’ll give you the technology to be able to harvest Dark organs and asks for a Dark Brain, Dark Heart, and Dark Intestine to show the king. Note that this quest is only triggered after you complete the Bishop’s Cathedral quest.

Delivering each item gives you 5 Happiness, and after delivering all three he’ll return saying that the king didn’t take him seriously, even after showing him the organs. He asks you if you know anything about “evidence of witchcraft.” You are offered three dialogue options in this conversation; it doesn’t particularly matter which one you pick, but offering to sacrifice Gerry to him will unlock the “He trusted you…” Steam achievement. After this conversation, you won’t be able to interact with the Inquisitor anymore until the end of Snake’s questline.

Ms Charm

Ms Charm
Ms Charm

Ms Charm is a beautiful actress who visits The Dead Horse every Lust to sing. She’s a bit haughty and won’t be easy to interact with, but her quests get more interesting as you complete more of them.

Quest 1: Prove Your Worth

When you initially approach Ms. Charm, she declares that she won’t talk to you until you prove that you’re worth her time. She says you need to “be confident” - you need to speak to her with 5 faith in your inventory. You’ll receive 10 Happiness with her after doing this.

Quest 2: Fake Coins for Snake

Before this quest will be available, you need to speak with Horadric and start the Return with a Royal Stamp quest with him.

When you ask Ms Charm about Snake, she gives you some fake coins and asks you to throw them in his face and return to her to tell her how he reacted. When you complete this task, she rewards you with 10 Happiness.

Quest 3: The Hunchback of the War Camp

After you tell her how Snake reacted to the fake coins, she asks you to ask him to find her mother’s necklace. Before you can proceed with this quest, you need to have 30 Happiness with him.

Snake tells you to seek out the mountain fort and speak to Koukol, the lord commander’s servant. He tells you that the necklace will be impossible to get back. Despite returning with bad news, you’ll be rewarded with 10 Happiness when you give this information to Ms Charm.

Quest 4: Perfume

After you tell her that you can’t recover her necklace, she tells you that she wants Miss Chain’s perfume. When you speak to Miss Chain, she tells you that she’ll give you the perfume if you take a basket of food to her sister Clotho, who lives in the swamp across the bridge from the graveyard. She also asks you to bring her 12 frogs so that she can make more perfume. You will get 20 Happiness with Miss Chain for completing these tasks, and 10 Happiness with Ms Charm when you deliver the perfume.

Ms Chain
Speak to Ms Chain in order to obtain perfume for Ms Charm

Quest 5: Ms Charm’s Show

After you bring her Miss Chain’s perfume, she’ll ask for a gold star Story for her show. You earn 10 Happiness from completing this quest.

Quest 6: Fixing the Windmill

Ms Charm wants her friend Alisa, the farmer’s daughter, to accompany her to the King’s palace in town. In order to convince the farmer to let her go, you need to repair his brother’s windmill.

There are a couple of steps to this - you need to go to the miller and ask for the instructions to repair the mill. He gives them to you, but they’re all in Latin and a page is missing because that’s super helpful. You need the Astrologer’s help, and you need 60 Happiness with him to get that help (see his questline below for information on how to do this). He helps you restore the Paper with calculations, and then you can get to fixing the mill.

You need 5 Complex iron parts and 6 Wooden planks to get the mill working again. On top of the farmer giving permission for his daughter to go with Ms Charm, you’ll also be able to mill your wheat for free in the newly repaired mill.

Repair the Windmill
Repair the Windmill

Quest 7: Correcting the Papers

You’re rewarded with 10 Happiness when you bring Alisa’s papers to Ms Charm, but she botches her attempt to forge it and make Alisa’s age two years older. She tells you that she wants an aristocrat to sign the new papers, so you need to buy Aristocrat papers from the Royal Services box (you need 100 Happiness with the Royal Services and costs 12 gold). Show the papers to Ms Charm for 10 Happiness.

Quest 8: New Love Song

Ms Charm asks for your help with writing the greatest love song ever created. Go speak to the poet Vagner (he hangs out in the Dead Horse) and he’ll ask you for an infusion of fly agaric to help him get inspiration for the song. He gives you the recipe for this drink - 1 Booze and 3 Red mushrooms, which you process in the Alcohol Distiller.

Brew a drink for Vagner
Brew a drink for Vagner and he'll write you a song the next day

Once you give him the drink, he’ll tell you to come back tomorrow and he’ll have the lyrics for you. Give them to Ms Charm for 10 Happiness and the “Ideal Song” Steam achievement.

Quest 9: Save the Poet

After he writes you the song, Vagner gets arrested by the town guards. When you tell Ms Charm this, she asks you to rescue him from the mountain fort. You’ll need to complete some tasks for the Astrologer before you can embark on the rescue mission. At the end of it all, she’ll give you her Necklace.

The Astrologer

The Astrologer
The Astrologer

This scholarly NPC hangs around at the lighthouse west of the town on Sloth every week. You can’t speak to him until Gerry tells you about him, but after that, he has a wide range of interesting quests for you. As a bonus, you can buy writing and book-making materials from him.

Quest 1: Bring Him a Skull

The very first time you speak to the Astrologer, he asks you for a human skull. These are pretty easy to obtain from corpses on your autopsy table. After you bring it to him, you’ll be rewarded with 10 Happiness and unlock trading with him.

Quest 2: The Keeper’s Journal

When you ask him for help with opening the portal, he asks that you retrieve the journal of the previous keeper. To further this quest, he gives you the keeper’s key, which is meant to unlock the gate underneath the church. He tells you that he does not know how to use it.

You need to complete a task for Snake to unlock the gate and find the keeper’s journal.

Quest 3: Clean the Journal

When you bring the Keeper’s journal to the Astrologer, he tells you that you should go to the town to acquire parts to build a laser that will open the portal on Witch Hill. He also tells you that parts of the Keeper’s journal is covered in some kind of weird goop and that he needs acid to be able to clean it off.

You can acquire acid from Clotho, the witch who lives in the swamp, or you can craft it at your alchemy workbench (tier II) by combining toxic powder, chaos solution, and toxic extract.

After you bring him the acid, the Astrologer will tell you that he also needs a set of Restoration Tools to finish cleaning the journal. You can get this item from Snake after completing a few tasks in his questline. Bring them back to the Astrologer for 10 Happiness.

Quest 4: Long-Lost Daughter

After the Astrologer cleans the Keeper’s journal, he learns from its pages that he might have a long-lost daughter. In exchange for what you want to know from the Keeper’s journal, he asks you to get information about his family. He tells you that the mother of this daughter is Esmeralda, the Gypsy Baron’s sister and that you should go to the Gypsy Baron to ask about her. The Gypsy Baron hangs around at the camp northwest of the lighthouse.

Quest 5: Messenger

The Gypsy Baron
Perform a task for the Gypsy Baron to know more about Esmeralda

You have to do a task for the Gypsy Baron before he’ll tell you anything about Esmeralda. He asks you to free a friend of his that has been arrested by the Inquisition. Lucky for him, you’ve been making friends with the Inquisitor while all of this has been going on - you need at least 60 Happiness with him to convince him to let the man go. After you tell the Gypsy Baron that his friend is free, you’ll gain 10 Happiness with him, and he’ll tell you about Esmeralda.

The Gypsy Baron reveals that Esmeralda is dead, but her daughter is alive - it’s Ms. Charm! Go back and tell the Astrologer this information to gain 10 Happiness. He asks you to go and speak to Ms Charm and find out if she knows who her father is.

When you ask Ms Charm about her father, she makes it clear that she hates him and doesn’t want to know who he is. The Astrologer is upset by this news, but he believes that he can earn her forgiveness. You get another 10 Happiness from this conversation.

Quest 6: Mill Repair

You need the Astrologer to help you with the instructions to fix the mill. You need at least 60 Happiness with him to ask.

Quest 7: The Golden Angle

You may now ask him about the parts of the barrel for the laser. He tells you that he had one of the parts, called the golden angle, in a sealed bag from the University, but that he abandoned it around the war camp on the day of the Great Blast. He thinks that no one would break the University seal and suggests that you go look for it.

He will also tell you that the necklace that was inherited by Ms Charm is a component of the laser.

Quest 8: Helping Vagner

After Ms Charm asks you to save Vagner, you decide to ask the Astrologer for help. He’s pleased that you’ve given him an opportunity to prove himself to his daughter, and you get 10 Happiness. He quickly comes up with a plan to get inside the fort - he could tell the fort that he wants to continue an unfinished archaeological dig on the grounds. To do this, he needs to repair his reputation with the University, and he needs your help to do it.

Quest 9: Silver Book

In order to start restoring the astrologer’s reputation, you need to bring him a silver star quality Book. He’ll reward you with 5 Happiness for this task, and you’ll have to wait until the next Sloth for the results.

There is an alternative to this quest and the one after it in the Stranger Sins DLC - you can bring him some Research Obsidian and skip this quest and the next one. Note that you will not receive Quest 10’s associated Steam achievement, “Best Seller”.

Quest 10: Gold Book

It turns out that the high and mighty academics at the University really liked the silver quality book that you gave the Astrologer - so much that they now want a gold star quality book. Hand it over for 5 Happiness, and wait another week for the results.

Quest 11: Bring Aristocrat Papers

With the help of your incredible book writing skills, the astrologer is reinstated as a professor and can arrange the “expedition”. The only thing left is to get access to the fort, and you need Aristocrat papers for that. You know the drill from the other questlines - you might already have the papers from another quest, or you can buy them for 12 gold at the Royal Services box.

Show the papers to the Astrologer for 10 Happiness.

Quest 12: Expedition

You can now embark on your rescue mission. There is a long cutscene, and you manage to whisk Vagner out of the fort. The Astrologer will give you the Golden Angle, and Ms Charm will give you her necklace.
Building the Portal

Now that you’ve collected all of the required components for the portal, you can take them up to Witch Hill and use them to create the portal. To recap, the items are as follows: the Salty Fork (obtained from the Merchant), the Mirror of Pride (obtained from the Episcop), the Eternal Burning Coal (obtained from the Inquisitor), the Golden Angle (obtained from the Astrologer), the Necklace (obtained from Ms Charm) and the Endless Notebook (obtained from Snake).

You craft the portal in two parts with three items each. After it is completed, the final cutscene rolls, and you have officially completed the game! Give yourself a pat on the back, because that was a long undertaking. And don’t worry - you can still continue playing in your save file even after you build the portal.

Sarthak Khurana
Tech and gaming enthusiast with a keen interest in stories. Believes that Witcher 3 is the only RPG that comes close to Fable 2, the best RPG ever made!