out of order? sounds like the entire game...


-it was a refreshing take, but it was difficult to not kill guards. for the guys who gave us battlefield, the guns had a surprisingly shitting quality to them. this was probably a design choice, but still they get instant headshots with shotguns?

where's ikea?!


-this is the best game to replicate trinity's flight in the opening of the original matrix. you can even run jump and 180 with your guns, unfortunately you shouldn't be holding any guns because it will just slow you down. this is also the reason i chose to take the peaceful route, anytime i saw a guard always yelled "agents, RUN!!" that in addition to agonizing frustration leading me to; "SHIT! mall cops!"

-dice seemingly took a page out of portal, where minimalism helped to focus on the task at hand. which wasn't exciting as half the time i was dead or stuck looking at a wall...

looks like i missed that manicure appointment.

i don't remember ikea selling blinds.


-what makes mirror's edge great, is unfortunately fleeting. when it works you are hauling ass, which is in the terms of understanding the space time continum; fairly brief. my memory of this game is riddled with fustration with collision detection and just simply an underwhelming mastery of the controls.

even digital ziplines are pure fun.


-the flash cutscenes were unneccessary. the story is a bit lacking, i was actually hoping for some IKEA conspricy run sweden "alternate" reality about the meatballs. sadly my crazily concodicted story was more interesting than the actual. although to dice's credit, it was funny pointing out the absurdity of professional wrestlers climbing the social ladder, i'm looking at you minnesota (and to a lesser degree california).

wrestlers don't make good political figures.

i just gots a diploma too!

you see that business card? that's bone.


-trying to eleborate on the story further through the loading screens disguised as...

-Why are there timed assassinations? Why is there timed anything? I didn't know they had wristwatches in the early years in Middle East. Enlighten me, why do I need to kill 5 random guys in 5 minutes?

just in time, how in the hell did you keep track?!


The integrated solution would be to have active weather and time conditions, so instead of 5 minutes it is by dusk or dawn. Plus wouldn’t it make more sense to assassinate under nightfall? Given those view points to scout out the city, having an active time situation would make render the city the most breathtaking fashion allowable.

let's snuggle!

it's raining templars, hallelujah!!!



-Who the hell cares about flags? Whether it’s optional or a timed chore, flag collection is pointless. It demonstrates that you can move in the direction of the next flag holding down right-click and spacebar. You don't need to time your jumps if you just hold down the spacebar, which is funny because when you are on a horse you jump automatically. That perfectly defeats any reason and purpose of the jump function.

who puts a flag on a cross?

i don't care if there was a flag here, they aren't pokemons and i'm not going to catch them all.

go before i turn you into glue.



-The game’s cutscenes are the worst. Not only could you not skip them, but they were long, tedious, and intent to remain in the period by preserving the archaic sentence structuring. As a consolation to these boring jabber fests, one could at least move Altair around. That is just what I did. What I ended up doing is actually creating a mini game out of the cutscenes. I would hide Altair from the camera, so the other characters would be talking to themselves.

assassin's creed or ninja's creed?

i'm a great assassin, i'm invisible.

still invisible.

where did i go?

am i invisible or am i taking a shit to avoid this boring cutscene? the world may never know.

i'm still invisible, even to the last enemy.


It was quite a fun challenge...

guy: wow, even when the cart isn't doing anything it still makes a lot of noise.
me: just like donald trump.
guy: nice.

RTR crit hour pyro:
me: aw, i'm a little off tonight.
[RTR] MSgt. harpie (FYC): corbu, did you just say you were "off tonight"?
me: well, yeah.
[RTR] MSgt. harpie (FYC): but you are on fire.
(reflected crit rocket kills, flare kills, 12+ GOD kill streaks)

mittens get teamswapped;
me: mittens is a traitor
pangea: you're right, but mittens is a trader

guy: i can't find the spot.
me: it's called the g-spot
[FAP] PikaYodandy: owned

Drewno: tap where are you? you are the only one on this team that knows how to get kills with an uber.

Dr. Tophu: whoever just talked last, you sound exactly like michael cera
me: are you talking to me?!
Dr. Tophu: yes
[-Ex-] The Black Knight: lol

2009-05-24
\\//, Live Long and ProsperROFL: Tap you sound like that guy from super bad.

2009-05-29
me: SQUIRTLE!!! can you move your ass so i can build my sentry?!
SQUIRTLE!!!: mwahahahahahaha
me: yes, yes. you are diabolically stupid. good fucking job.
SQUIRTLE!!!: haha.

2009-05-29
me: everyone blame dark knight again
[bd]Paranutz: gg dk
Juxtaposed [ESG]: bad dark knight
[bd]QUINCY!: fuck you dark knight

2009-05-29
me: reflect (rocket kill)
[bd]Paranutz: snap
[bd]Paranutz: guess 4 kills with 4 rockets would be asking too much

2009-05-30
[-Ex-] Father Gene: fuck you
[-Ex-] tap_corbu: ?
[-Ex-] Father Gene: u killed me lol (dominated)
[-Ex-] tap_corbu: what else is new?
[-Ex-] Father Gene: haha asshole

2009-05-30
[-Ex-] Father Gene: supernova is my bitch
Silvergun: congradulations
[-Ex-] tap_corbu: and your mine
[-Ex-] Father Gene: haha yup
[-Ex-] Father Gene: i like being dominated

2009-06-04
i hear a dead ringer pop and see a pyro heading towards rosencratz, so i needle the shit out of him and expose the spy, i get him killed
[LUE] Sex Kitten: FUCKING FAGGOT
[LUE] Sex Kitten: GET OUT OF MY WAY
[LUE] Sex...

dub shih [ESG]: corbu, you are the reason why noobs think that the flare gun is overpowered.
[-Ex-] Juice: the flare gun overpowered?!


[-Ex-] Wilsonn2000: what the fuck did you reflect!?


me: dub, watch out for flares galore
dub shih [ESG]: fucking hacker corbu!
dub shih [ESG]: haha
dub shih [ESG]: i don't think you missed once
dub shih [ESG]: absurd
dub shih [ESG]: to the point of absurdity
dub shih [ESG]: pretty deep

I THINK NOT. I CAN PLAY CRYSIS, SO WHY WON'T DEAD SPACE LET ME PLAY IT??!!?!?!?

CPU
Minimum: Pentium 4 or Equivalent
You Have: 2 processors running - Intel(R) Core(TM)2 CPU T7200 @ 2.00GHz
PASS

CPU Speed
Minimum: 2.8 GHz
You Have: 2.00 GHz Performance Rated at 4.94 GHz
PASS

System RAM
Minimum: 1 GB RAM (XP)/2 GB RAM (Vista)
You Have: 2.0 GB
PASS

Operating System
Minimum: Windows XP, Windows Vista
You Have: Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate Edition, 64-bit (Build Service Pack 16001)
PASS

Free Disk Space
Minimum: 7.5 GB
You Have: 28.3 GB
PASS

DVD
Minimum: Yes
You Have: TOSHIBA DVDW/HD TS-L802A ATA Device
PASS

Sound Card
Minimum: Yes
You Have: Speakers (Conexant High Definit
PASS

Sound Card Driver Version
Your driver version number is: 6.0
FYI: Your sound card driver version is provided for your information, but it is not part of this analysis. But proper sound card driver versions are important to the proper operation of your product.

Video Card
Minimum: 256 MB (with pixel shader 3.0 support), NVIDIA GeForce 6800 or better (NVIDIA GeForce 7300, 7600 GS and 8500 are not supported); ATI X1300XT or better (ATI X1300, X1300 Pro and HD2400 are not supported).

You Have: NVIDIA GeForce Go 7600 (GeForce Go 7600)

FAIL: Sorry, your video card does not meet this minimum requirement.
Video Card Features - Minimum attributes of your Video Card

Video RAM: Required - 256 MB , You have - 512 MB
Video Card 3D Acceleration: Required - Yes , You have - Yes
Video HW Transform & Lighting: Required - Yes , You have - Yes
Vertex Shader Ver.: Required - 3.0 , You have - 3.0
Pixel Shader Ver.: Required - 3.0 , You have - 3.0

Video Card Driver Version (DirectX)
Your driver version number is: 7.15.10.9815
FYI: Your video card driver version is provided for your information, but it is not part of this analysis. But proper video card driver versions are important to the proper operation of your product.

I HAVE A VIDEOCARD THAT MEETS ALL...

Filldo: tap, are you ready to save the world?
me: no, i'm not wearing pants.

me: i-like-cake, hmmmmm?! is that the new way to say i'm a fat kid? cuz you know fat kids love cake. it's in a fidy cent song, so you know it's true.

ruprecht: theres a solider in the middle of the right tunnel.
me: soldier, mid-right tunnel. heads up.
ruprecht: what he said.

me: it's time to get these guys...and ladies. i don't discriminate.
[-Ex-] Reign: lol

[-Ex-] Evil_Doer: haha, now i get to heal you for a change.

X(+'_'+)X Al: there's a...
me: demo-medic combo mid-left tunnel.
X(+'_'+)X Al: STOP SAYING WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY!!!!!
me: be quicker.

AFTER WINNING THE LAST CAP IN STAGE ONE GOLDRUSH
I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAPPED IT AS A MEDIC:
toydrvr: k, medics you need to get next to the cart.
me: that's what i did. how in the hell do you think i capped it? it wasn't like the cart moved because it was impressed i had my foot up their asses the entire time.

[-Ex-] ilikecake: tap, you have a great ability to communicate. that is rare in this game. better than like 99% of the people i've played with.
me: i just call em like i see em.
....A CAP POINT LATER
me: so cake, that really begs the question.
[-Ex-] ilikecake: what's that?
me: 99%, what's up with that one percent?
[-Ex-] ilikecake: haha, well my friend talks a lot, about important stuff though. he doesn't talk nearly as much as you.
me: well, i do like my gossip.

me: c'mon team, grow a pair of testicals already.
[MB]afro: another pair?
me: yeah, quad-nuts.

[-Ex-] Reign: its 10 to 16, but don't worry it will auto-balance in a second.
me: just more people for me to burn!

AFTER CAPPING CAP2 STAGE1 DUSTBOWL:
BLU svr: thanks but im not a good pyro.
RED me: we know.
BLU svr: haha.

WEANING DUSTBOWL OFFENSE:
respawning.
me: balls...
Fatal Error: balls.
Melo: balls.
ferrorcene: scrotum.
v Swiss?!?: balls.
ilikecake: i feel like we are playing a game missing the cock.
me: ...

Here are some reasons I am pissed off at Bioshock:

UNO
5 minutes. I timed it. That is how long it took from launch to actually playing. Why do I need to install 5.51 GB onto my hard drive from a 6.03 GB disc?? Anybody? Does the xbox360 version need 25% of the 20GB hard drive space in order to play a the game?!?!?! Then WAIT 5 minutes!?!?! I can hit the icon, take a shit, and come back with time to spare to be bored out of my mind at a load screen.

Why do I have to suffer 1 GB of wasted hard drive space per minute of loading screen excess bile?! I’d prefer to be water- boarded. Just load from the damn disc. It has to be in the damned drive to play anyways (in addition to a required internet activation). So why not stream the bloody info!?!

Does anyone know if the box copy still only allows three installs before it visits Hades never to return to you? Get it on steam if you are going to get it on the PC, which you will or consequently visit my copy of Bioshock in Hades once I install it past its' limitations.

ER
Horrible sound issue; took forever to resolve. It made it impossible to know where or if enemies existed when they weren’t bludgeoning my face.

I don't even know how I fixed it, maybe a patch. Maybe it was just praying to the sun by staring at it long enough. I tried too many combinations of restarting and such to get it to "work".

It was NOT a simple matter of updating drivers. The official forums weren't any help. It was almost as bad as time warner cable;
"have you tried turning off your cable box to make sure your cable box can turn on."
!!?!?!??!!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Basically a year after its release, it still drops complete textures from the game. WOW COOL! A CRASH DUMMY! No wait, that is just a corpse with no textures....

SAN
I have no idea how this is playable on the xbox360. On my machine it chugs worse than a pencil neck trying keg-stands. I have vista yet no DX10 support (videocard cutoff), which was one of...

while playing tf2 as tap_corbu several people have had trouble reading and pronouncing my name.

guy: tap corble are you ready?
me: there's no L in my name

guy: top let's go.
me: it's tap.
guy: same thing.
me: not in a dictionary.

guy: top let's go!
me: it's tap.
guy: it looks like top.
other guy: haha, i thought it was top too!

[butt]BigOlBug: caribou where are you going?
me: are you talking to me?
[butt]BigOlBug: yeah.
me: my name is not caribou, it's nowhere near it.
[butt]BigOlBug: well it looks like it. and hey, you can be coffee. your name is now caribou.


THANK YOU GEORGE W. BUSH, NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND HAS FORGOTTEN TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN HOW TO READ.

yes, i know i butcher other names too, yet it is typically out of boredom and yucks.

i just finished it, it didn't take too long. here was the first instance of pure rage due to this game;

cod4: soap, call in the airstrike
me: ok, how do i do that?
cod4: with a dog and a grenade in your face!
me: wahhhhhh???????
cod4: you are now dead.
me: ...

coupled with being the only game where a DOOR killed me, it was certainly something else.

but the biggest reason is....
IT WON'T LET ME FUCKING UNINSTALL IT!!!!!!
WHY!?!?!??!!??!!??!!?!?!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCKING COMMUNIST GAME.

every which way i come at the software to uninstall it all i get is "Error reading setup initialization file"

also, the rap song over the credits, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP NEEDING TO REPEAT INFINIY WARD OVER AND OVER AGAIN?! JUST BECAUSE THE WORD INFINITY IS IN THE NAME ISN'T AN INSTRUCTION TO REPEAT IT TO THE END OF DAYS!!!!!

what i have learned from my hijacker:
he changed my nickname to; zart

i presume he is horrible at spelling as he cannot spell fart.
which is probably all he is good for in this world.

he played CS:S for 4.2 hrs in the span of less than 18 hrs he had access to it.
he spammed the crap out clan members,
some were even awesome enough to spam back at him.

reign called him a fag, and he blocked her, roflmao.

new friends i have never heard of:
# insanittw;;~
his friends are:
3$korp1On-xn-#Tk
me
Dpc # Tk -vendo Ste4ms 1.6 e CSS
gabr1el/
kazin`kvg @Tk
SliveR'. #tsy
' ekr #Closed COMPLETOOOOO
YhO Tk'bR - venda de S*teams
g?????? "LiSb04" ??s???
MOreiRA @Tk css
gutO [G²5] #RJ
cgm; -yaKuza-
mArk #Tk
all of the friends are from Brazil, minus me.

he friended Bu53|2 for me, what a guy.
ironically he didn't join the massive german groups i was invited to.

wombs friended me, i don't recall this guy.
i friended wombs, yet he is a pussy with completely private info.
i think he might be compensating for something, i'll let you speculate on that.
[EDIT: A FRIEND WAS WOMBS]

several unidentified servers in my history with 2000 ping,
and i usually draw the line at 100 MAX:
75.126.188.244:27015
216.6.236.131:27016
72.249.124.18:27024
66.150.155.105:27015
67.19.254.82:27020
66.150.214.55:27015
192.168.1.5:27015

and my new favorites with 2000 ping:
73.37.185.19:27015
75.126.188.244:2715

he just imed me :
"# insanittw;;~: morera?"

i just blocked him, i figure i'd rather confuse him for a bit than insult him.
something tells me there is nothing worthy in his life to attack.