F1 pundits never tire of telling us that the downforce of a grand prix car is so strong that they could drive upside down on the ceiling without falling off. Well, on behalf of the Mayor of Birmingham, I would like to invite Bernie Ecclestone to hold an upside-down Formula 1 race on the underside of Spaghetti Junction. It would add another dimension to this sport and a bit of overhead excitement to anyone stuck in traffic on the M6.

I can't see what all the fuss is over this latest bugging row. Infringing someone's civil liberties by listening in to a conversation is a small price to pay for public safety and we should thank the security services rather than criticising them. In fact we must all do our bit and remain vigilant if we are to defeat the terrorist menace in our midst. I myself rent out a small bedsit to two student nurses, and I have installed surveillance equipment in the shower in case either of them goes in there to make a rucksack bomb.

Recreated the danger and thrills of a parachute jump in safety by visiting Google Earth and clicking the scroll bar until you reach the ground. You can add extra realism to the exercise by putting a fan on blowing full in your face.

I heard on the news that the January storms had cost this country a billion pounds! What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more harm than good.

Whenever I buy a new DVD I have to sit through a trailer telling me not to watch pirate movies. Yet Johnny Depp stars in one and the posters all say 'Must See'. Make your minds up, Hollywood moguls.

I learned with interest this week that the term 'inflammable' does not in fact mean that something is not flammable. The word does not follow the same negative rule as other words prefixed 'in', such as inaudible, insatiable, indiscreet, etc. I also burnt my arse cheeks quite badly.

Deuteronomy 22:5 (New International Version)

Quote

"5. A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this."

O dear !

WAKA WAKA WAKA